Whatever happened to Funny Farah ?- HNY

“ Hey heard you just got back from HNY?, So how was it ? “

It was my neighbor quizzing me as I bent over to unlace my shoes outside my door step.

“ Yes Shirish, did you watch that promo on KBC yesterday. Simply hilarious. Mr Bachchcan Sr was in form. He shared such wonderful camaraderie with his son that it was an affection surfeit sight. Farah was her usual school teacher self and freely interacted with Mr.Bachchan, while SRK did not spare any punches left over from the previous promo shows. Very well written script for KBC promo”

“ No Navin, I mean how was the movie itself? You just came back right?”

“ Hahaha did you watch Comedy nights with Kapil. The one where the whole cast of HNY created a minor storm of fun and frolic with some of the best one liners I have heard in a long time. I wanted to watch it again. In fact recorded it. And that boy Vivaan who stole the show. I remember thinking he must have some outstanding role in the movie. A new star arrives maybe.”

“ Yeah I remember that. But can you please tell me what you thought of the film?”

“ Oh yes do not forget that NDTV promo we saw the other day when half the cast cried on the show. Sob. What emotional camaraderie! Lovely. Sob. They must really bond. And I remember thinking with such an intense level of bonding something exceptional must be happening”

(Scream )“ Navin are you trying to evade my question. Can you please tell me already how the movie was ? “

“ Oh no not at all my intention ‘ ( I just hold my temples a bit tight to ease the pain in the core) . SRK opens the movie with his properly top lit to form shadows, 8 packs highlighted by dirty sloshy water as he boxes to lose in a competition which is a mystery in India. He wants to avenge his father a safe keeper’s criminal elimination by a tycoon who wants to lose diamonds and keep it too. Confused. Watch the movie. All well explained with flow diagrams to the sewer level. There are pyrotechnic ridden shots of Palm Jumeirah where a dance competition is hosted with the most lavish sets with surreal dancers who land up with spontaneous dances, where a dim witted audience either throws eggs and tomatoes or goes gaga over emotional Indian dances. There are some diamonds to be stolen. Yes the same – Charlie’s (SRK) father’s diamonds. Helping him in this endeavor are Uday Chopra – Oops sorry Jr AB obviously inspired by Dhooming Uday, Madhuri Dixit – ooops sorry Mohini-( played by Deepika). Really there are lots of discussions on how to barf , something about oxygen chambers, laser lights, diamonds like Shalimar ( Really do people steal those still), fights on every conceivable site in Dubai.”

“ Wow that sounds exciting, lots of songs, colors and Farah. Must have been fun?”

“Actually please ignore the silly antics of a talented Jr AB who actually excels at subtle comedy but is made a buffoon here, a  wasted Boman, and sincere Sonu who wants to do well but is not able to, over discussed Vivaan, . It is only Deepika who does not care about the boundaries of her role and oversteps it much to the comfort of audiences like us and is actually hilarious in most spots. Wow she is getting into her own. SRK does his best for his own production with help from Chak De stubble,  some dance moves on outlandish dance stages and dances to mediocre songs and yet looks worried throughout about the way the movie is apparently going”

“ So you liked it or not?”

“ You know what I actually want to watch a recording of the promos. They were great fun. At least they held lot of promise and seemed to have some semblance of editing, coherence in plot line ( all of which actually fitted into a teaser)”

“ Still not answering me ?”

“ No No I loved the credits. The best part of the Movie. The producer as always glam. One fantabulous scene of Jr SRK with the senior. One of the most natural not over the top scenes. And the cute three children dancing after locking up their mother Farah Khan inside the vault. You naughty children how did you know what we wanted to do ? “

“ From what I can gather you are suitably impressed to give it a 5? “

“ Buzz off will you. It’s 2 and nothing else. If ever I budge a half it is because my son threatened me with dire consequences just in case I wrote something condescending about the film ( Dad I saw the dour look you had on your face throughout the movie. Remember I love SRK please) . So please do not ask me again. I need to rush in and detox myself by watching the promos again. Ah those wonderful funny promos. See you “

My Dearest Vishal Sir

“Vishal Sir, was salivating when I heard of the four star and the five star ratings. So I went sir to watch apparently the best movie of recent times unfold itself. And I am back home sir. Speechless. Still trying to fathom if I need a checkup. I know Sir, Shakespeare and all that...Yes Sir, you are not to blame. Shakespeare is. Only one question Sir, I hold you in the highest esteem as one of the simplest directors who makes Hindi films that have the sheen of Hollywood films but Sir how did you manage to make such a confusing movie and yet earn the hyperventilating support of the entire critiquing junta:)

Yes sir, you are saying I should get myself checked-up? Ok sir but then so should half the characters in the movie. Outstanding photography, mind-blowing Tabu and KK and almost excellent Shahid, bold attempts to touch sensitive subjects in passing but not well balanced for both stakeholders of the region, the people and the state, haphazard story line and a very bad narration compounded by a confused script. Kudos to Indian Censor sir for allowing this. What! They did not watch? You mean like they were busy cleaning? Oh Ok sir. Please do not be mad Sir. I am still unable to fathom how to give anything beyond 2 1/2 stars!”

(My friends insisted on a more traditional view so here goes :) )

I am gasping right from the opening sequences as the camera pans and caresses the stunning landscapes of Kashmir. ‘Shot on actual sites without any disturbance‘ the credits say at the end. It is ironical that violence co-exists with such ethereal beauty. The people too seem like they were only too happy living their quiet life in the mountains but the echoes of gunfire seem to tell a different story. Vishal takes his Hamlet adaptation ( I think full credit to Vishal for making Shakespeare more popular than he was) to this valley and following in the footsteps of Mani Ratnam attempts to analyse the core issues while juxtaposing them with his favorite sub stories of deceit, extra marital affairs, extreme violence, pathos and more dangerously  trying to depict a soft erotic undertone to a son’s extreme love for his mother.

The army is clearly not in Vishal’s good books as they seem to consist of people who either torture or arrest individuals who utter names of international cities in forbidden neighborhood territory.  The boy Shahid playing Haider underplays his role heavily making you look forward to a explosion that seems imminent but unfortunately never happens. A journalist Shraddha Kapoor funnily not able to pronounce simple words despite her background rescues him from the law keepers. He comes home to find it destroyed as his father has been taken away by the law keeping forces for treating militants and to his shock finds his mother in a not too shocked state ensconced with her brother in law. He is torn between his extreme love for his mother Tabu and his angst at her almost transparent illegitimate relationship with his uncle KK Menon.

The militants reach out to him and then he embarks on a dangerous journey not sure of what is right or wrong, all his misgivings centered only on the insecurity in the relationship with his mother. Does he turn militant or does he satisfy himself with just seeking revenge against his uncle.  The movie takes its own long road to the end.

I was completely disconnected from the story as much as Shahid seemed to be with his role. The briefing has obviously confused the brilliant actor. He is not fully clear what his state of mind should be or perhaps that was the Shakespearean brief ?

Tabu seems to be enjoying her reclusive sinful role and her matronly instincts surface only when her son is around. To her credit she is one of the highlights of this movie. KK Menon with a fully author backed role chews away at it with full vigor. He is an actor par excellence. Shraddha is around and will grow into a good actress if she remains restrained but nothing much to speak about here.

Irfan, Kulbhushan kharbanda and a controlled Narendra Jha have fleeting roles and one wishes one saw more of them.

I cannot even string together a streamlined storyline if I wanted to relate here. It seems like a loose cohesion of fragmented bits of outstanding creativity.

Things that jarred for me. Attempts to make Shahid look taller than Tabu all the time. If that is not consistently maintained in the movie throughout, the audiences can make out the geometrical aberrations. A song towards the climax straight out of Karz where a reborn Rishi Kapoor dances and tells the tale of the deceit and murder. Even the lyrics sounded suspiciously similar.

There is always an international sheen in Vishal’s movies and that standard is maintained if not excelled. He does not get you embarrassed with his movies if shown to an international audiences like some of the other dance dramas but makes you feel angry that he does not better himself with a more coherent storyline and less biased approach to the militants or the military.

He experiments dangerously with the mother – son relationship and one holds the seat handle tight every time you sense something unusual about to happen. I wondered if that was necessary just to be different. The background music is appeasing with Kashmiri sounds dominating.

You emerge from the hall not feeling enlightened about the scenario in that troubled state but with one clear message that revenge begets revenge but it comes in too late by which time you are beyond caring.