Tring! Tring !
" Hello ? "
4 rings !
" Hello I am Babita. Thank you for your call. Please leave your message and I will return your call"
That is usually the message Ravin my friend got on his wife's phone. Today he seemed to hang on to the phone for sometime murmuring. I thought he had finally connected and was speaking to her. Lucky guy. He seemed to have finally reached her on the phone ! His usual whine of her not ever picking up the phone and every call going into the voice mail seemed to have died down.
He hung up 9 minutes later and looked at me with a satisfied look on his face!
I looked back quizzically? Uh ?
"What is that stupid grin for ? What did your wife say that seemed to make you so happy "
" Oh ! She said ' Hello I am Babita. Thank you for your call. Please leave your message and I will return your call'
I went blank for a minute ' uh ?'
" So you had her on the line right ? "
" Can you keep a secret Navin? I am in love with that recorded voice message"
" What, Look Ravin you seem to be suffering hard work trauma . Go home and get some sleep"
" No no you do not understand. What was earlier my regular whine of not being ever able to get my wife on the line is actually a blessing in disguise because the recorded voice message is now my second wife "
I knew he would slip one day. But this was too early
' Ravin look that is a recorded voice message and you were having a conversation with her. Can you explain"
' Navin you have no idea of what it has done to my life in the last few weeks. I am having the most wonderful time of my married life. No grouses. For the first time my voice mail wife actually listens non stop to whatever I have got to say. I pour all my office woes on to her and she listens without ever interrupting. Everytime i call up I never end up having to shell out thousand rupees worth of some expenses for some fancy requirement. I give her a big menu of what I would like to eat that night and she never cribs. I am so happy that for the first time in my life she actually never chides or answers me back in an abrupt manner. All she does is say ' I will get back to you'"
I was beginning to get the drift but was not sure. Ravin's wife never lifted the phone and now he seemed to be enjoying it. Had he flipped?
" Look Ravin Do not worry I will have a chat with Babby and get her to be more serious about owning the phone"
" Are you crazy Navin', he screamed, ' Just let me be. Have you not watched "HER" ? Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with his operating system ! So why cannot I fall in love with my wife's voice mail. She sounds so loving there. Just like when we were newly married. She makes endless promises to call back and in the same smiling tone call after call. And she never fails to introduce herself instead of the curt 'BOLO' that I could have otherwise heard . Please do not interrupt in my married electronic life and short circuit it"
This man seemed to be making sense after all. Yes Yes Yes. Peace, non rebuttals , maybe even make offers to buy expensive necklaces and not worry about how to fund it . After all it will be met with a ' I will get back to you' which will never be 'gotten back to '. I looked at him with envy. This man seemed to have found peace. Found Nirvana.
I knew what I had to do. I had to find my own. And I had found the solution to all the stress at office.
I picked up the phone and called a number. The phone rang.
"Hello I am Sarita. Please leave me your message and I will call you back"
I grinned and slumped down on the desk for my soliloquy counselling !
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