The Pat

The PAT

Watched as a mother gently patted her baby on the back to help it burp. The baby duly executed it and then leaned back carefully to smile gratefully. I think these are the first of the touch gestures in a human life which can be interpreted.

Watched as a Principal patted all the children on the back during an award ceremony. In the course of the routine the principal forgot to pat one of the children and after having collected his reward the child stood there unsure if the ritual of appreciation had been fully completed.  The principal quickly recognized the need and extended the gesture which cost him nothing but a physical move and yet he had made one more little being happier for life.

Then that pat on the back of the head. These can groove in two categories. The happy and the Ouch! Remember dad lightly patting you on the head for a probable misdemeanor, the intention being to chide without really being mean. But the more serious pats on the head can draw the ire of the mother who rants loudly about how the brain can get damaged. “Please slap him if you want, not on the head” and you look for the fastest way out of the room not sure if your mom is really your best friend.

There are those guerilla type teachers who rush in on cheating students and execute the pat on the back or a pat on the head to indicate that indiscrete tactics will not go unnoticed.

A soft pat on the head is also welcome as symbolic of critical affection.

I have had celebs who patted me on the back when amused with something I said or wrote and then that stays with you for a longtime. The recognition stamped for posterity with a pat.

I am always wary of the types who launch into hard destabilizing pats to establish their boisterous nature and shout to the world of how popular and comical they are. Usually these pats are accompanied by a loud guffaw.

 Amusingly pats in official settings are used to establish dominance. It is understandable when a senior pats you affectionately on the back for a job well done. Motivates you for the next 3.5 weeks. But then you squirm when unusually a peer out of the blue pats you to establish a dominant position in the relationship. And you wonder if you are going to hear of the elevation soon. It is funny sometimes to see people trying to out pat each other. The guy who gets to pat first gets into Square A.

I vividly remember things not going too well when the President of a western country tried to vociferously pat an equally strong president of a rival nation. The intention was to create bonhomie but with a clear intent to set the ranking straight.

The most insightful pointer on pats came from a psychological study that said that people who patted each other while hugging wanted the hug to end soon and the pat was a hint.

And all these days I thought it meant I like this guy and you did a good job. Need to watch out for that one.

So the final questions is what does one do when one pats oneself on the back or someone tells you to pat yourself on the back. Need to ask them if they meant it in an affectionate way or critically or just a proxy appreciation.

It must really mean work for the brain as it decodes every pat depending