Whatever happened to Funny Farah ?- HNY

“ Hey heard you just got back from HNY?, So how was it ? “

It was my neighbor quizzing me as I bent over to unlace my shoes outside my door step.

“ Yes Shirish, did you watch that promo on KBC yesterday. Simply hilarious. Mr Bachchcan Sr was in form. He shared such wonderful camaraderie with his son that it was an affection surfeit sight. Farah was her usual school teacher self and freely interacted with Mr.Bachchan, while SRK did not spare any punches left over from the previous promo shows. Very well written script for KBC promo”

“ No Navin, I mean how was the movie itself? You just came back right?”

“ Hahaha did you watch Comedy nights with Kapil. The one where the whole cast of HNY created a minor storm of fun and frolic with some of the best one liners I have heard in a long time. I wanted to watch it again. In fact recorded it. And that boy Vivaan who stole the show. I remember thinking he must have some outstanding role in the movie. A new star arrives maybe.”

“ Yeah I remember that. But can you please tell me what you thought of the film?”

“ Oh yes do not forget that NDTV promo we saw the other day when half the cast cried on the show. Sob. What emotional camaraderie! Lovely. Sob. They must really bond. And I remember thinking with such an intense level of bonding something exceptional must be happening”

(Scream )“ Navin are you trying to evade my question. Can you please tell me already how the movie was ? “

“ Oh no not at all my intention ‘ ( I just hold my temples a bit tight to ease the pain in the core) . SRK opens the movie with his properly top lit to form shadows, 8 packs highlighted by dirty sloshy water as he boxes to lose in a competition which is a mystery in India. He wants to avenge his father a safe keeper’s criminal elimination by a tycoon who wants to lose diamonds and keep it too. Confused. Watch the movie. All well explained with flow diagrams to the sewer level. There are pyrotechnic ridden shots of Palm Jumeirah where a dance competition is hosted with the most lavish sets with surreal dancers who land up with spontaneous dances, where a dim witted audience either throws eggs and tomatoes or goes gaga over emotional Indian dances. There are some diamonds to be stolen. Yes the same – Charlie’s (SRK) father’s diamonds. Helping him in this endeavor are Uday Chopra – Oops sorry Jr AB obviously inspired by Dhooming Uday, Madhuri Dixit – ooops sorry Mohini-( played by Deepika). Really there are lots of discussions on how to barf , something about oxygen chambers, laser lights, diamonds like Shalimar ( Really do people steal those still), fights on every conceivable site in Dubai.”

“ Wow that sounds exciting, lots of songs, colors and Farah. Must have been fun?”

“Actually please ignore the silly antics of a talented Jr AB who actually excels at subtle comedy but is made a buffoon here, a  wasted Boman, and sincere Sonu who wants to do well but is not able to, over discussed Vivaan, . It is only Deepika who does not care about the boundaries of her role and oversteps it much to the comfort of audiences like us and is actually hilarious in most spots. Wow she is getting into her own. SRK does his best for his own production with help from Chak De stubble,  some dance moves on outlandish dance stages and dances to mediocre songs and yet looks worried throughout about the way the movie is apparently going”

“ So you liked it or not?”

“ You know what I actually want to watch a recording of the promos. They were great fun. At least they held lot of promise and seemed to have some semblance of editing, coherence in plot line ( all of which actually fitted into a teaser)”

“ Still not answering me ?”

“ No No I loved the credits. The best part of the Movie. The producer as always glam. One fantabulous scene of Jr SRK with the senior. One of the most natural not over the top scenes. And the cute three children dancing after locking up their mother Farah Khan inside the vault. You naughty children how did you know what we wanted to do ? “

“ From what I can gather you are suitably impressed to give it a 5? “

“ Buzz off will you. It’s 2 and nothing else. If ever I budge a half it is because my son threatened me with dire consequences just in case I wrote something condescending about the film ( Dad I saw the dour look you had on your face throughout the movie. Remember I love SRK please) . So please do not ask me again. I need to rush in and detox myself by watching the promos again. Ah those wonderful funny promos. See you “

My Dearest Vishal Sir

“Vishal Sir, was salivating when I heard of the four star and the five star ratings. So I went sir to watch apparently the best movie of recent times unfold itself. And I am back home sir. Speechless. Still trying to fathom if I need a checkup. I know Sir, Shakespeare and all that...Yes Sir, you are not to blame. Shakespeare is. Only one question Sir, I hold you in the highest esteem as one of the simplest directors who makes Hindi films that have the sheen of Hollywood films but Sir how did you manage to make such a confusing movie and yet earn the hyperventilating support of the entire critiquing junta:)

Yes sir, you are saying I should get myself checked-up? Ok sir but then so should half the characters in the movie. Outstanding photography, mind-blowing Tabu and KK and almost excellent Shahid, bold attempts to touch sensitive subjects in passing but not well balanced for both stakeholders of the region, the people and the state, haphazard story line and a very bad narration compounded by a confused script. Kudos to Indian Censor sir for allowing this. What! They did not watch? You mean like they were busy cleaning? Oh Ok sir. Please do not be mad Sir. I am still unable to fathom how to give anything beyond 2 1/2 stars!”

(My friends insisted on a more traditional view so here goes :) )

I am gasping right from the opening sequences as the camera pans and caresses the stunning landscapes of Kashmir. ‘Shot on actual sites without any disturbance‘ the credits say at the end. It is ironical that violence co-exists with such ethereal beauty. The people too seem like they were only too happy living their quiet life in the mountains but the echoes of gunfire seem to tell a different story. Vishal takes his Hamlet adaptation ( I think full credit to Vishal for making Shakespeare more popular than he was) to this valley and following in the footsteps of Mani Ratnam attempts to analyse the core issues while juxtaposing them with his favorite sub stories of deceit, extra marital affairs, extreme violence, pathos and more dangerously  trying to depict a soft erotic undertone to a son’s extreme love for his mother.

The army is clearly not in Vishal’s good books as they seem to consist of people who either torture or arrest individuals who utter names of international cities in forbidden neighborhood territory.  The boy Shahid playing Haider underplays his role heavily making you look forward to a explosion that seems imminent but unfortunately never happens. A journalist Shraddha Kapoor funnily not able to pronounce simple words despite her background rescues him from the law keepers. He comes home to find it destroyed as his father has been taken away by the law keeping forces for treating militants and to his shock finds his mother in a not too shocked state ensconced with her brother in law. He is torn between his extreme love for his mother Tabu and his angst at her almost transparent illegitimate relationship with his uncle KK Menon.

The militants reach out to him and then he embarks on a dangerous journey not sure of what is right or wrong, all his misgivings centered only on the insecurity in the relationship with his mother. Does he turn militant or does he satisfy himself with just seeking revenge against his uncle.  The movie takes its own long road to the end.

I was completely disconnected from the story as much as Shahid seemed to be with his role. The briefing has obviously confused the brilliant actor. He is not fully clear what his state of mind should be or perhaps that was the Shakespearean brief ?

Tabu seems to be enjoying her reclusive sinful role and her matronly instincts surface only when her son is around. To her credit she is one of the highlights of this movie. KK Menon with a fully author backed role chews away at it with full vigor. He is an actor par excellence. Shraddha is around and will grow into a good actress if she remains restrained but nothing much to speak about here.

Irfan, Kulbhushan kharbanda and a controlled Narendra Jha have fleeting roles and one wishes one saw more of them.

I cannot even string together a streamlined storyline if I wanted to relate here. It seems like a loose cohesion of fragmented bits of outstanding creativity.

Things that jarred for me. Attempts to make Shahid look taller than Tabu all the time. If that is not consistently maintained in the movie throughout, the audiences can make out the geometrical aberrations. A song towards the climax straight out of Karz where a reborn Rishi Kapoor dances and tells the tale of the deceit and murder. Even the lyrics sounded suspiciously similar.

There is always an international sheen in Vishal’s movies and that standard is maintained if not excelled. He does not get you embarrassed with his movies if shown to an international audiences like some of the other dance dramas but makes you feel angry that he does not better himself with a more coherent storyline and less biased approach to the militants or the military.

He experiments dangerously with the mother – son relationship and one holds the seat handle tight every time you sense something unusual about to happen. I wondered if that was necessary just to be different. The background music is appeasing with Kashmiri sounds dominating.

You emerge from the hall not feeling enlightened about the scenario in that troubled state but with one clear message that revenge begets revenge but it comes in too late by which time you are beyond caring.

Finding Fanny Not Funny

**

With multitudinous activities spawning across a person’s timeline it has become essential to invest time wisely on the entertainment menu that one is served with these days. So when the teasers leave one with doubt you reach out for your trusted reviewer friends to help you out. Most trusted Khalid does not write these days so then one reaches out to Rajeev Masand and Anupama Chopra. They are generally dependable and when they are not I have worked out a way to read between their words. They have the unwise charted territory of also having the film folks on their show before the releases and that in itself creates a conflict of interests. Their reviews in this case left me uneasy as they reluctantly praised and heaped stars on the movie.

Homi had indeed excelled in his first ‘Being Cyrus’ a pretty dark movie with sophisticated treatment. Strangely the look of the film reminded me of Matru Kee Bijli ka Mandola . Wondered if Pankaj Kapur was solely responsible for me feeling that.

Ten minutes into the movie saw me exchanging my leg, the first sign of trouble in a movie for me. Fidgeting is the first big sign of reaction to inactivity in the script or the inability of the director to hold your attention with the visuals. I remember I kept doing the twists and ended in knots in Saawariya. But that is another story.

Nasiruddin Shah managed his expression as expertly as he always does while the camera caressed a lazy script of an old postman who receives an old mail of his undelivered and supposedly the triggering point for the script to take off. We still think it is the setting of the plot stage which is key and the stretch of this timeline varies from director to director. A delicate looking Deepika appears on the scene as a young widow living with her mother in law Dimple Kapadia and who fawns over over Nasiruddin Shah her like a daughter would. There is plenty in Goa to fill in a thousand cameras and yet the camera here is stumped for action beyond realistic looking interiors of houses. It dismisses the stunning Goanese landscape with unusual carelessness. It is about Deepika’s character nudging and then helping Nasiruddin Shah’s character to help find his old love Fanny and in the road journey being accompanied by a car owner Pankaj Kapur, her stout mother in law Dimple and her old boyfriend Arjun Kapoor.

Road trips lead to amusing and sometimes meaningful evolution of characters that go on a journey together. But the chirpy plots in this script are extremely contrived. Vulgar one liners and antics are passed off as intelligent mature and witty banter. Did not amuse me one bit though there were kind giggles in the audience trying to perk themselves up in the boredom which envelops. By the time the intermission hits you, you are desperately looking at your watches.

Found the plot and treatment hollow and very pretentious and extremely unentertaining. It was practically boring and that made me a feel a twinge of sadness as I would really have loved to see Homi do a fantastic job with this setting with opportunities galore for an entertaining script. If only they did not think that only being slow and deliberate could help them differentiate themselves from the poor quality movies released week after week.

And surprisingly in a movie bordering on boring, it must be noted that you cannot find fault with the performances. However Nasiruddin and Pankaj Kapoor have done far superior roles than these before. Arjun looks and sounds like he walked off the sets of 2 States and Dimple does ham a bit. It is stunning Deepika who helps the bored audience stay put. The dubbing in Hindi apparently over the English is extremely distracting when one starts paying more attention to the lip sync rather than what is being said. There are glaring mistakes like Nasiruddin leaving to find fuel waving a large white plastic can and then returning with a blue one. Post sex talk between characters are supposed to somehow exhibit the liberal acceptance of the new generation towards out of marriage physical contact but ends up sounding like an artificial posturing. It is also irksome to note excess focus on oversized hips of people or lusty artistes oogling over aged opposites.

Finding Fanny is not Funny beyond a few giggles.

Boxed in Viewing

Noble thoughts. Good intent. Priyanka Chopra. Method acting. Push ups. Built muscles. Gentle village girl. But strong. Fights village boys. Wants to get coached by a Pritish Nandy lookalike. Coach not accepting. Girl persevering. Finally accepting. Now girl practice boxing. Girl also like another boy. Good actor.

Then girl going to Olympics. Winning many medals. Famous. Getting married. Two children. One day. Bus . Passenger not recognising. Mary feeling sad. Pick up Gloves again. Again going to Olympics. Government manager. Not giving enough food. Mary fighting. Now Mary really mad. Her child also sick. Same Same time Mary boxing and Child also surgery. But all good finally.

Mary Kom very good. Movie Mary Kom 'Kom' good. Sets very nice. People
look real. Story almost real. Some some very filmi dialogue. Ok OK film !

Did you feel narration disjointed, stuttering, moving from good to worse, good intent but finally ending up dissatisfied. Does it hurt even more if you loved Million Dollar Baby. You bet. Lover of firang film. Come on accept it when there is creative work to be hailed.

One should decide whether they want to make a serious biopic or an entertaining movie taking off from a biopic. Not a mish mash in between.
Honestly speaking the movie left me bored in many patches. One feels for the earnest Onler played by Darshan Kumar. Priyanka plays a role that any actress putting her heart to it could play.But there's something missing in her act. Maybe there's just too much effort. Reminded me of her act in Barfi.

All the reviewing and the movie aside it is a fact that the obscure Mary Kom got her due of recognition thanks to this movie and for that kudos. More importantly North East gets discussed and that for me as an Indian is a big win. But makers, when you make a biopic please make a serious one.

The unusual Modification of the nation

I have been craving to hear a heart thumping confident speech like this .Speaking extempore before a nation, Live ! Speaks volumes of this man, a leader destined to become a legend, to be marked in history. The speech itself was simple addressing day to day issues, no bombastic jargon filled schemes. Let's make basic necessities for the common man and more importantly the stress on needs of the Indian women be it toilets or their personal safety. 

 I just had to stand up and salute this man who dared not to make a safe speech to routinely please international guests and say what corporates/industry wants to hear. Instead he chose to address what the country needs today . To get back to basics. Something that should have been done since 67 years.

 No unnecessary sabre rattling at neighbours to win brownie points. Instead he chose to appreciate a small neighbouring country and lauded it's growth. Bringing focus back on tourism, national cleaniness, safety for women and scrapping ancient bodies of governance that have lost their purpose.

 I loved the sense of inclusiveness that he always uses in his speeches while speaking about parliamentarians including the opposition and not belittling anyone.

Leadership is not about either silent economic wizardy or bullying the nation into mediocre submission something we have seen before. It is about communication, posturing with humility, using the collective power of those who are in your team in this case the citizens and achieving greatness. Their job is not to formulate but carry the entire population of the rich, the poor, the clever and the simpletons. Because nation is not about winning at the bottom line turnstiles by only focussing on those smart. It is making living in a country an equal success for 100% of its people. I think businesses could take tips from this leader

 The theme is clear. He wants to and will stand out in the long list of leaders since independence. Whether it is a carefully manipulated image or not, does not matter. It is working and will inevitably see the birth of a new nation in 5 years

Can the superheroes please get on with the job of saving the world!

I wish to tender my apologies to SRK for a scathing review I wrote on RA-ONE a few years back. I had suffered a three day headache after suffering the unimaginative video game story. His intentions were noble. He wanted to set the benchmark for the techno razzle dazzle in India and tried perhaps to impress his son, something I, in his position too would not have dithered from doing. I enjoy the supermen stories and the bordering on unbelievable stunts with as much gurgling boyish happiness as my son would. The underlying victory of goodness is never lost on me. But I just could not digest the lack of narrative and any script sense in that movie. I thought he had made a hash of good potential those supermen movies held promise of.

He can rest easy now. The crown has shifted to a new contender. If you wish to learn how to make a hash of a nice franchisee, watch Amazing Spiderman 2. It has everything going for it. Great looking actors Andrew Garfield, lovely Emma Stone, access to big budget special effects,  wonderful Sally Fields who never disappoints and yet the movie ends up being one of the worst superhero movies made.

I had two quick snoozes in the first half while main characters droned poorly written conversations, endlessly discussing the regimentation of romance, boring clichéd saves, unfunny muffled one liners and unimpressive actions scenes though not tacky. In contrast the Amazing Spiderman 1 was a masterpiece handling the expert depiction of vulnerability by a good looking boyish Garfield with panache. In this he goes around with confused expressions apparently a nod to his distraction with a lovely Emma while his duty, to save one person and destroying 10 buildings and 100 cars in the process, continues half-heartedly.

The narration too was not seamless and seemed extremely disjointed almost as if the makers were not sure what they wanted to do with the footage on hand. My main grudge with the makers of the super hero movies these days is that they have forgotten that children viewers around the world own the copyright to enjoy these superheroes and their antics and they are least interested in a psychological in depth analysis of the superhero’s internal struggle with his emotional imbalance and confusion with how to execute his super powers for the welfare of the society. Excuse me but can we cut down on the gooey part and allow the super heroes to do what they did best. Save the world!

So then in comparison with RA-ONE at least it had Bhare Naina as a saving grace. This has none unless you count an almost funny exchange between Garfield and Emma as one. I wondered what Jamie Foxx was doing here. The poor artiste is badly wasted. My heart sank when towards the end a new villain makes an appearance and went “Oh No Not again” but then good sense prevailed and the credits rolled. Wink Wink. You know what’s coming next. Amazing Spiderman 3. Ok I am getting out of the country when that releases!

The art of arranging love marriages

I know there is a big class of Junta in my friends who will give me a verbal hiding if I say Chetan Bhagat writing’s are quite mediocre. But you cannot deny that his books go on to make interesting scripts and well-crafted movies. In case of the autobiographical 2 states it may be a case of a not less meaty storyline nestling in the hallowed shelves of Dharma productions. So production values elevate and provide visual pleasure of rich colors in art and costumes.

Decades back EK Duje Ke Liye tackled the tryst of cross-over matrimony between a South Indian boy and a North Indian girl. This time around the plot is flipped as the hero is a full blooded Punjabi in love with a Tamilian (Mind you not Madrasan as the script aggressively implores time and again and rightfully so). All is well between the modern couple who meet up like any other ordinary youngsters, get attracted, cohabit without the least bit of shocked drama about it. But unusually they do find the fizzle missing without getting their parents blessings and decide to unite the families instead of eloping, giving the script a long rope to create comical and serious situations around the North Indian mother in an unhappy marriage struggling to harmoniously adjust with the stiff about their culture and pedigree Tamilian family of the girl.

While it looks to be moving forward as hoped by the modern yet obedient children, their happiness derails and there is the struggle to convince both sides of the fact that there can be happiness in diversity.

The film begins quite lazily and for the first twenty minutes the characters seem to be struggling to get set into the plot. The direction is also lack luster in places with shocking editing. In one scene the characters start talking on cue as the film rolls. This seemed distracting. But then Arjun Kapoor as the good natured sweet and coy Punjabi boy and Alia Bhatt as the South Indian girl studying at IIM-A get into the groove and grip the movie and their characters tightly. Their efforts at staying at each other’s homes to win over the family members is nice and real. But do they eventually succeed?

The music is intrusive to the plot in places. There are some memorable scenes between the father , mother and son and they will get those tear glands working.

The script is weak at places but never leads to any overacting from the main protagonists. Amrita Singh as the boy’s Punjabi mother who is leading a battered life and lives only for her son but just cannot seem to escape the  bias that exists naturally but you willingly forgive her as her love is unbounded for her son. Amrita Singh is superbly natural in this role and elevates the role beyond the expectations of the character written. Ronit Roy as her sulking depressed husband makes a menacing quiet presence and shows why he is so famous on the small screen. Revathi and Shiv Kumar Subramanian play their roles with comical maturity.The only sad part is an underused Achint Kaur who is a superb actress waiting to be found and used properly.

It is however Arjun Kapoor with his extremely well characterized and low key Krish Malhotra and Alia Bhatt who you cannot take your eyes off and who raise the movie leagues above the strength of its script. Alia was outstanding in Highway and completely deglamorized. In this you cannot but help admire her twinkling smile ,mischievous eyes and a bold act. She is etching her name fast on the landscape of great actresses of the future.

The rest of the plots are forced including the setting of IIM, a single shot of the class, a few walks in the corridor and people in the movie are underused like the faceless classmates and many small characters who are not fleshed out fully.

Yet the movie does leave you satisfied and raises a few chuckles at the North/ South - Non veg / veg divide that still exists today. The director does not shirk from casually walking the path of the sexual liberation era today and does not make a song and dance about it .

There was great scope to induce more comedy into the situations and make it more light and fluffy than morose but it is nice to see producers promoting scripted movies than unbridled tomfoolery which release these days. Are love marriages between North and South still as tough as depicted? I think it will remain as long as regional and caste value system remains guarded as a means of preserving cultural identity and children seek to respect and get an approval of that system despite an open approach to marriages. It is the era of arranged love marriages.

***

review of 2 states