Whatever happened to Funny Farah ?- HNY

“ Hey heard you just got back from HNY?, So how was it ? “

It was my neighbor quizzing me as I bent over to unlace my shoes outside my door step.

“ Yes Shirish, did you watch that promo on KBC yesterday. Simply hilarious. Mr Bachchcan Sr was in form. He shared such wonderful camaraderie with his son that it was an affection surfeit sight. Farah was her usual school teacher self and freely interacted with Mr.Bachchan, while SRK did not spare any punches left over from the previous promo shows. Very well written script for KBC promo”

“ No Navin, I mean how was the movie itself? You just came back right?”

“ Hahaha did you watch Comedy nights with Kapil. The one where the whole cast of HNY created a minor storm of fun and frolic with some of the best one liners I have heard in a long time. I wanted to watch it again. In fact recorded it. And that boy Vivaan who stole the show. I remember thinking he must have some outstanding role in the movie. A new star arrives maybe.”

“ Yeah I remember that. But can you please tell me what you thought of the film?”

“ Oh yes do not forget that NDTV promo we saw the other day when half the cast cried on the show. Sob. What emotional camaraderie! Lovely. Sob. They must really bond. And I remember thinking with such an intense level of bonding something exceptional must be happening”

(Scream )“ Navin are you trying to evade my question. Can you please tell me already how the movie was ? “

“ Oh no not at all my intention ‘ ( I just hold my temples a bit tight to ease the pain in the core) . SRK opens the movie with his properly top lit to form shadows, 8 packs highlighted by dirty sloshy water as he boxes to lose in a competition which is a mystery in India. He wants to avenge his father a safe keeper’s criminal elimination by a tycoon who wants to lose diamonds and keep it too. Confused. Watch the movie. All well explained with flow diagrams to the sewer level. There are pyrotechnic ridden shots of Palm Jumeirah where a dance competition is hosted with the most lavish sets with surreal dancers who land up with spontaneous dances, where a dim witted audience either throws eggs and tomatoes or goes gaga over emotional Indian dances. There are some diamonds to be stolen. Yes the same – Charlie’s (SRK) father’s diamonds. Helping him in this endeavor are Uday Chopra – Oops sorry Jr AB obviously inspired by Dhooming Uday, Madhuri Dixit – ooops sorry Mohini-( played by Deepika). Really there are lots of discussions on how to barf , something about oxygen chambers, laser lights, diamonds like Shalimar ( Really do people steal those still), fights on every conceivable site in Dubai.”

“ Wow that sounds exciting, lots of songs, colors and Farah. Must have been fun?”

“Actually please ignore the silly antics of a talented Jr AB who actually excels at subtle comedy but is made a buffoon here, a  wasted Boman, and sincere Sonu who wants to do well but is not able to, over discussed Vivaan, . It is only Deepika who does not care about the boundaries of her role and oversteps it much to the comfort of audiences like us and is actually hilarious in most spots. Wow she is getting into her own. SRK does his best for his own production with help from Chak De stubble,  some dance moves on outlandish dance stages and dances to mediocre songs and yet looks worried throughout about the way the movie is apparently going”

“ So you liked it or not?”

“ You know what I actually want to watch a recording of the promos. They were great fun. At least they held lot of promise and seemed to have some semblance of editing, coherence in plot line ( all of which actually fitted into a teaser)”

“ Still not answering me ?”

“ No No I loved the credits. The best part of the Movie. The producer as always glam. One fantabulous scene of Jr SRK with the senior. One of the most natural not over the top scenes. And the cute three children dancing after locking up their mother Farah Khan inside the vault. You naughty children how did you know what we wanted to do ? “

“ From what I can gather you are suitably impressed to give it a 5? “

“ Buzz off will you. It’s 2 and nothing else. If ever I budge a half it is because my son threatened me with dire consequences just in case I wrote something condescending about the film ( Dad I saw the dour look you had on your face throughout the movie. Remember I love SRK please) . So please do not ask me again. I need to rush in and detox myself by watching the promos again. Ah those wonderful funny promos. See you “

My Dearest Vishal Sir

“Vishal Sir, was salivating when I heard of the four star and the five star ratings. So I went sir to watch apparently the best movie of recent times unfold itself. And I am back home sir. Speechless. Still trying to fathom if I need a checkup. I know Sir, Shakespeare and all that...Yes Sir, you are not to blame. Shakespeare is. Only one question Sir, I hold you in the highest esteem as one of the simplest directors who makes Hindi films that have the sheen of Hollywood films but Sir how did you manage to make such a confusing movie and yet earn the hyperventilating support of the entire critiquing junta:)

Yes sir, you are saying I should get myself checked-up? Ok sir but then so should half the characters in the movie. Outstanding photography, mind-blowing Tabu and KK and almost excellent Shahid, bold attempts to touch sensitive subjects in passing but not well balanced for both stakeholders of the region, the people and the state, haphazard story line and a very bad narration compounded by a confused script. Kudos to Indian Censor sir for allowing this. What! They did not watch? You mean like they were busy cleaning? Oh Ok sir. Please do not be mad Sir. I am still unable to fathom how to give anything beyond 2 1/2 stars!”

(My friends insisted on a more traditional view so here goes :) )

I am gasping right from the opening sequences as the camera pans and caresses the stunning landscapes of Kashmir. ‘Shot on actual sites without any disturbance‘ the credits say at the end. It is ironical that violence co-exists with such ethereal beauty. The people too seem like they were only too happy living their quiet life in the mountains but the echoes of gunfire seem to tell a different story. Vishal takes his Hamlet adaptation ( I think full credit to Vishal for making Shakespeare more popular than he was) to this valley and following in the footsteps of Mani Ratnam attempts to analyse the core issues while juxtaposing them with his favorite sub stories of deceit, extra marital affairs, extreme violence, pathos and more dangerously  trying to depict a soft erotic undertone to a son’s extreme love for his mother.

The army is clearly not in Vishal’s good books as they seem to consist of people who either torture or arrest individuals who utter names of international cities in forbidden neighborhood territory.  The boy Shahid playing Haider underplays his role heavily making you look forward to a explosion that seems imminent but unfortunately never happens. A journalist Shraddha Kapoor funnily not able to pronounce simple words despite her background rescues him from the law keepers. He comes home to find it destroyed as his father has been taken away by the law keeping forces for treating militants and to his shock finds his mother in a not too shocked state ensconced with her brother in law. He is torn between his extreme love for his mother Tabu and his angst at her almost transparent illegitimate relationship with his uncle KK Menon.

The militants reach out to him and then he embarks on a dangerous journey not sure of what is right or wrong, all his misgivings centered only on the insecurity in the relationship with his mother. Does he turn militant or does he satisfy himself with just seeking revenge against his uncle.  The movie takes its own long road to the end.

I was completely disconnected from the story as much as Shahid seemed to be with his role. The briefing has obviously confused the brilliant actor. He is not fully clear what his state of mind should be or perhaps that was the Shakespearean brief ?

Tabu seems to be enjoying her reclusive sinful role and her matronly instincts surface only when her son is around. To her credit she is one of the highlights of this movie. KK Menon with a fully author backed role chews away at it with full vigor. He is an actor par excellence. Shraddha is around and will grow into a good actress if she remains restrained but nothing much to speak about here.

Irfan, Kulbhushan kharbanda and a controlled Narendra Jha have fleeting roles and one wishes one saw more of them.

I cannot even string together a streamlined storyline if I wanted to relate here. It seems like a loose cohesion of fragmented bits of outstanding creativity.

Things that jarred for me. Attempts to make Shahid look taller than Tabu all the time. If that is not consistently maintained in the movie throughout, the audiences can make out the geometrical aberrations. A song towards the climax straight out of Karz where a reborn Rishi Kapoor dances and tells the tale of the deceit and murder. Even the lyrics sounded suspiciously similar.

There is always an international sheen in Vishal’s movies and that standard is maintained if not excelled. He does not get you embarrassed with his movies if shown to an international audiences like some of the other dance dramas but makes you feel angry that he does not better himself with a more coherent storyline and less biased approach to the militants or the military.

He experiments dangerously with the mother – son relationship and one holds the seat handle tight every time you sense something unusual about to happen. I wondered if that was necessary just to be different. The background music is appeasing with Kashmiri sounds dominating.

You emerge from the hall not feeling enlightened about the scenario in that troubled state but with one clear message that revenge begets revenge but it comes in too late by which time you are beyond caring.

Finding Fanny Not Funny

**

With multitudinous activities spawning across a person’s timeline it has become essential to invest time wisely on the entertainment menu that one is served with these days. So when the teasers leave one with doubt you reach out for your trusted reviewer friends to help you out. Most trusted Khalid does not write these days so then one reaches out to Rajeev Masand and Anupama Chopra. They are generally dependable and when they are not I have worked out a way to read between their words. They have the unwise charted territory of also having the film folks on their show before the releases and that in itself creates a conflict of interests. Their reviews in this case left me uneasy as they reluctantly praised and heaped stars on the movie.

Homi had indeed excelled in his first ‘Being Cyrus’ a pretty dark movie with sophisticated treatment. Strangely the look of the film reminded me of Matru Kee Bijli ka Mandola . Wondered if Pankaj Kapur was solely responsible for me feeling that.

Ten minutes into the movie saw me exchanging my leg, the first sign of trouble in a movie for me. Fidgeting is the first big sign of reaction to inactivity in the script or the inability of the director to hold your attention with the visuals. I remember I kept doing the twists and ended in knots in Saawariya. But that is another story.

Nasiruddin Shah managed his expression as expertly as he always does while the camera caressed a lazy script of an old postman who receives an old mail of his undelivered and supposedly the triggering point for the script to take off. We still think it is the setting of the plot stage which is key and the stretch of this timeline varies from director to director. A delicate looking Deepika appears on the scene as a young widow living with her mother in law Dimple Kapadia and who fawns over over Nasiruddin Shah her like a daughter would. There is plenty in Goa to fill in a thousand cameras and yet the camera here is stumped for action beyond realistic looking interiors of houses. It dismisses the stunning Goanese landscape with unusual carelessness. It is about Deepika’s character nudging and then helping Nasiruddin Shah’s character to help find his old love Fanny and in the road journey being accompanied by a car owner Pankaj Kapur, her stout mother in law Dimple and her old boyfriend Arjun Kapoor.

Road trips lead to amusing and sometimes meaningful evolution of characters that go on a journey together. But the chirpy plots in this script are extremely contrived. Vulgar one liners and antics are passed off as intelligent mature and witty banter. Did not amuse me one bit though there were kind giggles in the audience trying to perk themselves up in the boredom which envelops. By the time the intermission hits you, you are desperately looking at your watches.

Found the plot and treatment hollow and very pretentious and extremely unentertaining. It was practically boring and that made me a feel a twinge of sadness as I would really have loved to see Homi do a fantastic job with this setting with opportunities galore for an entertaining script. If only they did not think that only being slow and deliberate could help them differentiate themselves from the poor quality movies released week after week.

And surprisingly in a movie bordering on boring, it must be noted that you cannot find fault with the performances. However Nasiruddin and Pankaj Kapoor have done far superior roles than these before. Arjun looks and sounds like he walked off the sets of 2 States and Dimple does ham a bit. It is stunning Deepika who helps the bored audience stay put. The dubbing in Hindi apparently over the English is extremely distracting when one starts paying more attention to the lip sync rather than what is being said. There are glaring mistakes like Nasiruddin leaving to find fuel waving a large white plastic can and then returning with a blue one. Post sex talk between characters are supposed to somehow exhibit the liberal acceptance of the new generation towards out of marriage physical contact but ends up sounding like an artificial posturing. It is also irksome to note excess focus on oversized hips of people or lusty artistes oogling over aged opposites.

Finding Fanny is not Funny beyond a few giggles.

Boxed in Viewing

Noble thoughts. Good intent. Priyanka Chopra. Method acting. Push ups. Built muscles. Gentle village girl. But strong. Fights village boys. Wants to get coached by a Pritish Nandy lookalike. Coach not accepting. Girl persevering. Finally accepting. Now girl practice boxing. Girl also like another boy. Good actor.

Then girl going to Olympics. Winning many medals. Famous. Getting married. Two children. One day. Bus . Passenger not recognising. Mary feeling sad. Pick up Gloves again. Again going to Olympics. Government manager. Not giving enough food. Mary fighting. Now Mary really mad. Her child also sick. Same Same time Mary boxing and Child also surgery. But all good finally.

Mary Kom very good. Movie Mary Kom 'Kom' good. Sets very nice. People
look real. Story almost real. Some some very filmi dialogue. Ok OK film !

Did you feel narration disjointed, stuttering, moving from good to worse, good intent but finally ending up dissatisfied. Does it hurt even more if you loved Million Dollar Baby. You bet. Lover of firang film. Come on accept it when there is creative work to be hailed.

One should decide whether they want to make a serious biopic or an entertaining movie taking off from a biopic. Not a mish mash in between.
Honestly speaking the movie left me bored in many patches. One feels for the earnest Onler played by Darshan Kumar. Priyanka plays a role that any actress putting her heart to it could play.But there's something missing in her act. Maybe there's just too much effort. Reminded me of her act in Barfi.

All the reviewing and the movie aside it is a fact that the obscure Mary Kom got her due of recognition thanks to this movie and for that kudos. More importantly North East gets discussed and that for me as an Indian is a big win. But makers, when you make a biopic please make a serious one.

The unusual Modification of the nation

I have been craving to hear a heart thumping confident speech like this .Speaking extempore before a nation, Live ! Speaks volumes of this man, a leader destined to become a legend, to be marked in history. The speech itself was simple addressing day to day issues, no bombastic jargon filled schemes. Let's make basic necessities for the common man and more importantly the stress on needs of the Indian women be it toilets or their personal safety. 

 I just had to stand up and salute this man who dared not to make a safe speech to routinely please international guests and say what corporates/industry wants to hear. Instead he chose to address what the country needs today . To get back to basics. Something that should have been done since 67 years.

 No unnecessary sabre rattling at neighbours to win brownie points. Instead he chose to appreciate a small neighbouring country and lauded it's growth. Bringing focus back on tourism, national cleaniness, safety for women and scrapping ancient bodies of governance that have lost their purpose.

 I loved the sense of inclusiveness that he always uses in his speeches while speaking about parliamentarians including the opposition and not belittling anyone.

Leadership is not about either silent economic wizardy or bullying the nation into mediocre submission something we have seen before. It is about communication, posturing with humility, using the collective power of those who are in your team in this case the citizens and achieving greatness. Their job is not to formulate but carry the entire population of the rich, the poor, the clever and the simpletons. Because nation is not about winning at the bottom line turnstiles by only focussing on those smart. It is making living in a country an equal success for 100% of its people. I think businesses could take tips from this leader

 The theme is clear. He wants to and will stand out in the long list of leaders since independence. Whether it is a carefully manipulated image or not, does not matter. It is working and will inevitably see the birth of a new nation in 5 years

Can the superheroes please get on with the job of saving the world!

I wish to tender my apologies to SRK for a scathing review I wrote on RA-ONE a few years back. I had suffered a three day headache after suffering the unimaginative video game story. His intentions were noble. He wanted to set the benchmark for the techno razzle dazzle in India and tried perhaps to impress his son, something I, in his position too would not have dithered from doing. I enjoy the supermen stories and the bordering on unbelievable stunts with as much gurgling boyish happiness as my son would. The underlying victory of goodness is never lost on me. But I just could not digest the lack of narrative and any script sense in that movie. I thought he had made a hash of good potential those supermen movies held promise of.

He can rest easy now. The crown has shifted to a new contender. If you wish to learn how to make a hash of a nice franchisee, watch Amazing Spiderman 2. It has everything going for it. Great looking actors Andrew Garfield, lovely Emma Stone, access to big budget special effects,  wonderful Sally Fields who never disappoints and yet the movie ends up being one of the worst superhero movies made.

I had two quick snoozes in the first half while main characters droned poorly written conversations, endlessly discussing the regimentation of romance, boring clichéd saves, unfunny muffled one liners and unimpressive actions scenes though not tacky. In contrast the Amazing Spiderman 1 was a masterpiece handling the expert depiction of vulnerability by a good looking boyish Garfield with panache. In this he goes around with confused expressions apparently a nod to his distraction with a lovely Emma while his duty, to save one person and destroying 10 buildings and 100 cars in the process, continues half-heartedly.

The narration too was not seamless and seemed extremely disjointed almost as if the makers were not sure what they wanted to do with the footage on hand. My main grudge with the makers of the super hero movies these days is that they have forgotten that children viewers around the world own the copyright to enjoy these superheroes and their antics and they are least interested in a psychological in depth analysis of the superhero’s internal struggle with his emotional imbalance and confusion with how to execute his super powers for the welfare of the society. Excuse me but can we cut down on the gooey part and allow the super heroes to do what they did best. Save the world!

So then in comparison with RA-ONE at least it had Bhare Naina as a saving grace. This has none unless you count an almost funny exchange between Garfield and Emma as one. I wondered what Jamie Foxx was doing here. The poor artiste is badly wasted. My heart sank when towards the end a new villain makes an appearance and went “Oh No Not again” but then good sense prevailed and the credits rolled. Wink Wink. You know what’s coming next. Amazing Spiderman 3. Ok I am getting out of the country when that releases!

The art of arranging love marriages

I know there is a big class of Junta in my friends who will give me a verbal hiding if I say Chetan Bhagat writing’s are quite mediocre. But you cannot deny that his books go on to make interesting scripts and well-crafted movies. In case of the autobiographical 2 states it may be a case of a not less meaty storyline nestling in the hallowed shelves of Dharma productions. So production values elevate and provide visual pleasure of rich colors in art and costumes.

Decades back EK Duje Ke Liye tackled the tryst of cross-over matrimony between a South Indian boy and a North Indian girl. This time around the plot is flipped as the hero is a full blooded Punjabi in love with a Tamilian (Mind you not Madrasan as the script aggressively implores time and again and rightfully so). All is well between the modern couple who meet up like any other ordinary youngsters, get attracted, cohabit without the least bit of shocked drama about it. But unusually they do find the fizzle missing without getting their parents blessings and decide to unite the families instead of eloping, giving the script a long rope to create comical and serious situations around the North Indian mother in an unhappy marriage struggling to harmoniously adjust with the stiff about their culture and pedigree Tamilian family of the girl.

While it looks to be moving forward as hoped by the modern yet obedient children, their happiness derails and there is the struggle to convince both sides of the fact that there can be happiness in diversity.

The film begins quite lazily and for the first twenty minutes the characters seem to be struggling to get set into the plot. The direction is also lack luster in places with shocking editing. In one scene the characters start talking on cue as the film rolls. This seemed distracting. But then Arjun Kapoor as the good natured sweet and coy Punjabi boy and Alia Bhatt as the South Indian girl studying at IIM-A get into the groove and grip the movie and their characters tightly. Their efforts at staying at each other’s homes to win over the family members is nice and real. But do they eventually succeed?

The music is intrusive to the plot in places. There are some memorable scenes between the father , mother and son and they will get those tear glands working.

The script is weak at places but never leads to any overacting from the main protagonists. Amrita Singh as the boy’s Punjabi mother who is leading a battered life and lives only for her son but just cannot seem to escape the  bias that exists naturally but you willingly forgive her as her love is unbounded for her son. Amrita Singh is superbly natural in this role and elevates the role beyond the expectations of the character written. Ronit Roy as her sulking depressed husband makes a menacing quiet presence and shows why he is so famous on the small screen. Revathi and Shiv Kumar Subramanian play their roles with comical maturity.The only sad part is an underused Achint Kaur who is a superb actress waiting to be found and used properly.

It is however Arjun Kapoor with his extremely well characterized and low key Krish Malhotra and Alia Bhatt who you cannot take your eyes off and who raise the movie leagues above the strength of its script. Alia was outstanding in Highway and completely deglamorized. In this you cannot but help admire her twinkling smile ,mischievous eyes and a bold act. She is etching her name fast on the landscape of great actresses of the future.

The rest of the plots are forced including the setting of IIM, a single shot of the class, a few walks in the corridor and people in the movie are underused like the faceless classmates and many small characters who are not fleshed out fully.

Yet the movie does leave you satisfied and raises a few chuckles at the North/ South - Non veg / veg divide that still exists today. The director does not shirk from casually walking the path of the sexual liberation era today and does not make a song and dance about it .

There was great scope to induce more comedy into the situations and make it more light and fluffy than morose but it is nice to see producers promoting scripted movies than unbridled tomfoolery which release these days. Are love marriages between North and South still as tough as depicted? I think it will remain as long as regional and caste value system remains guarded as a means of preserving cultural identity and children seek to respect and get an approval of that system despite an open approach to marriages. It is the era of arranged love marriages.

***

review of 2 states

Queen - Go Go Go Watch this Movie!

*****

If Zindagi Na Milegi Dobaara got a smile on your face with its three young men on a road journey through Spain, Queen captures the mind-blowing journey of Kangana Ranaut as a simple humble Queen traipsing through France and Amsterdam in an unpretentious journey of self-discovery related in such a comical fashion that you just do not want it to stop. It is not to deride when one says the script is almost predictable but more of a salute to good writing that it is taken to new heights simply by creating comical vignettes bolstered by some of the finest acting seen in decades by not only the lead actress but all of the characters so laboriously etched out to make them more than believable.

When the lead actress, Rani, within the first five minutes establishes her connect with the audience, you know you are ready to settle down for a ride that does not only have you holding your sides but also marvel at some of the finest comical dialogues delivered so casually with a dead pan middle class humble face.

Queen as a title is not terribly encouraging for those who corroborate a mix of the title and a teaser to decide whether it’s worth the outing. It is simply the English synonym of Rani the person straight out of a Hrishikesh Mukherjee and Basu Chatterjee movie of the 70s living in Lajpat Nagar of Delhi with her even more stereotypical Delhi Mithai (Sweetmeat) shop owner parents going through the routine of life, getting ready for the big day of her life and in a nod to the modern women not shy of looking forward to her honeymoon and married life. In one of the finest enacted scenes in recent times you watch Rani with who you have already fallen in love with meet up, clandestinely, at her to be groom’s behest only to have her forbidden fun turn into a tragedy as he deserts her two days before marriage. Kangana displays histrionics that onlookers will not only want to embrace and comfort her but also whack the groom (Raj kumar Rao) for doing it to her.

This then, the turning point in her life, leads her to a strange quest of completing the circle of her planned life of having a honeymoon albeit without her husband. Then begins a roller coaster of a discovery as a total simpleton she meanders around Paris and Amsterdam and the journey and her trysts with various characters who dot the landscape of these two countries. The interactions do remind you of Sridevi and her journey across the US in English Vinglish without taking away the freshness of the story. Enjoy the rollicking fun as she meets extremely well etched out, even if stereotypical, foreigners, her travails at a lodging, discovery of a less conservative western world, befriending pole dancers and moonlighting hotel staffers. It will absolutely kill the fun to describe anything more and the dream team of Queen just does not deserve that.

The mantra of the success of a film is simply well fleshed out and believable characters including those on the street (though you do catch foreigners staring at the shoot and that does get distracting). The people around the main protagonist seem so real that you will find it hard to believe, the marvel of a director Vikas Bahl actually had real actors doing those. Wish TV soaps took some lessons from this movie on how to recreate simple watchable family dramas with believable sets.

Rajkumar Rao is emerging as a force to reckon with like we saw Irfan Khan emerging a few years back. He makes us hate his character and root for Rani and that speaks volumes of the man’s abilities moving from a simple cannot hurt a fly type of person in Kai Po Che to a male chauvinist who believes that women are better off at home as the male provides and is sure that his fiancée should feel liberated if he dumps her and be open to embracing him when he changes his mind. He makes himself so annoying that you stand behind Rani and will her to kick him out of her life. Does she? 

Like in Sholay, Lagaan, Swades , 3 Idiots, Munnabhai all movies where the script works hard to populate the story with real people who stay with you long after the movie is over, you are unlikely to forget any single character even with a two minute role in the movie. Be it the loving father who is not averse to saying Namaste to cleavage revealing girls, teenage kids looking forward to Skype sessions with his sister, the protective mother, the modern nanny, an Italian cook, a cab driver who endures a not so sober Rani and her hungama and even those brief roles enacted by serious actors in the marriage sequences. These people stay with you long after the movie is over. If at all you rush out it is to make a quick beeline for the midnight cab queue and people can catch you smiling away as you reminisce some of the sparkling humor. You  are unlikely to forget the finest piece of drunken acting since Amitabh Bachchan did it in AAA.

Dialogues are the king here and to know that Kangana Ranaut is credited to the dialogues as well pleasantly surprises you. Kangana will have a new fan base and she has probably jumped from no 10 to No 1 joining the leagues of Alia Bhatt with her Pataka Guddi act and Deepika with Thangaballi. Marvelous actresses who are redefining Hindi cinema with brilliant directors like Vikas Bahl and Imtiaz Ali.  Kangana Ranaut will in probability sweep away all awards but if she does not she can be rest assured she has a place in our hearts. Hungama ho Gaya!

Go Go Go watch this movie, just to commend the women power and the fine humor it can create!

The subtle art of Voice Message Nirvana

Tring!  Tring !

" Hello ? "

4 rings !

" Hello I am Babita. Thank you for your call. Please leave your message and I will return your call"

That is usually the message Ravin my friend got on his wife's phone. Today he seemed to hang on to the phone for sometime murmuring. I thought he had finally connected and was speaking to her. Lucky guy. He seemed to have finally reached her on the phone ! His usual whine of her not ever picking up the phone and every call going into the voice mail seemed to have died down.

He hung up 9 minutes later and looked at me with a satisfied look on his face! 

I looked back quizzically? Uh ?

"What is that stupid grin for ? What did your wife say that seemed to make you so happy "

" Oh ! She said ' Hello I am Babita. Thank you for your call. Please leave your message and I will return your call'

I went blank for a minute ' uh ?'

" So you had her on the line right ? "

" Can you keep a secret Navin? I am in love with that recorded voice message"

" What, Look Ravin you seem to be suffering hard work trauma . Go home and get some sleep"

" No no you do not understand. What was earlier my regular whine of not being ever able to get my wife on the line is actually a blessing in disguise because the recorded voice message is now my second wife "

I knew he would slip one day. But this was too early 

' Ravin look that is a recorded voice message and you were having a conversation with her. Can you explain"

' Navin you have no idea of what it has done to my life in the last few weeks. I am having the most wonderful time of my married life. No grouses. For the first time my voice mail wife actually listens non stop to whatever I have got to say. I pour all my office woes on to her and she listens without ever interrupting. Everytime i call up I never end up having to shell out thousand rupees worth of some expenses for some fancy requirement.  I give her a big menu of what I would like to eat that night and she never cribs. I am so happy that for the first time in my life she actually never chides or answers me back in an abrupt manner. All she does is say ' I will get back to you'"

I was beginning to get the drift but was not sure. Ravin's wife never lifted the phone and now he seemed to be enjoying it. Had he flipped?

" Look Ravin Do not worry I will have a chat with Babby and get her to be more serious about owning the phone"

" Are you crazy Navin', he screamed, ' Just let me be. Have you not watched "HER" ? Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with his operating system ! So why cannot I fall in love with my wife's voice mail. She sounds so loving there. Just like when we were newly married. She makes endless promises to call back and in the same smiling tone call after call. And she never fails to introduce herself instead of the curt 'BOLO' that I could have otherwise heard . Please do not interrupt in my married electronic life and short circuit it"

This man seemed to be making sense after all. Yes Yes Yes. Peace, non rebuttals , maybe even make offers to buy expensive necklaces and not worry about how to fund it . After all it will be met with a ' I will get back to you' which will never be 'gotten back to '. I looked at him with envy. This man seemed to have found peace. Found Nirvana.

I knew what I had to do. I had to find my own. And I had found the solution to all the stress at office.

I picked up the phone and called a number. The phone rang.

"Hello I am Sarita. Please leave me your message and I will call you back"

I grinned and slumped down on the desk for my soliloquy counselling !

Of smart quips, demanding wives and battered husbands

A bustling crowd greets Farhan and Vidya with whistles and cheers in a scenario more reminiscent of the single screen audience reactions than a pretentiously sophisticated crowd that usually muffles its giggles in multiplexes. It makes me wonder if it is the remnant magic of  Bhaag Milka Bhaag and Ooh Lala playing up here or simply the effect of the clever acting of Farhan in ZNMD and Vidya in Kahaani.  Whatever the answer that will never be known the phenomenon speaks of the popularity of the actors reflecting reactions that once were reserved for Mr.Bachchan. And the reaction even before a single dialogue has been spoken. The crowd was clear in its cheers. It was here to enjoy and have a blast.

Saket Chaudhary does not disappoint them as he put together an extremely witty funny roller coaster of a ride of a young couple that executes personal sexual fantasies more found commonly in the advisory columns of tabloids on “ How to spice up your sex life”. In hilarious opening scenes the director sets the context on what to expect going forward and the lead couple stamps their authoritative execution of their well-designed roles.

The couple leading a carefree life is thrust into the midst of serious parenthood accidentally. However the plot there also gives free rein to the writers to let loose all their stowed away jokes on happiness and boredom in marriages, the clichéd developments of parenthood and subsequent misunderstandings. There is a hilarious ride till the intermission reminding one of a fast paced Hrishikesh or Basu Chatterjee film. People actually howl with laughter at some of the jokes and it makes one happy to see people so happy and gurgling with naughty laughter.

The young and middle aged audience identifies well with the travails of the young couple and that to a certain extent explains the thigh slapping and cheers at every punch line which is plenty in the first half.

And then the famous curse of Indian Films strikes the film. There is no story left to propel the film forward and the director and his writer are left with no plot machinations to drive the story or to keep interest from flagging down. Watching this movie late night post intermission can then be actually challenging and if you keep your interest wide awake it is thanks to the outstanding efforts by Vidya and a simple seamless in role definition and cool characterization by Farhan. They seem cut out for the part.

Vidya does not seem to have any qualms about the need to look like a zero size actress or anywhere close to that. While that is brave and refreshing it almost borders on the ‘do not care’ attitude. Farhan is effortless in the first half and then strain shows in his depiction post interval as he picks up the burden of keeping the movie going despite lack of a dramatic plot or twist. You start wondering about the purpose of the movie at this stage.

The music is practically nonexistent and where it does exist seems to represent a musical sutradhar. Totally forgettable.

So the script and screen play reign supreme in the initial stages and you feel like giving a four star for the first half and a 2 for the second half finally ending up with a weak average overall. Do not wish to reveal any of the punch lines as it just kills the film. Watch it and laugh out loud!

Vidya does seem to exhibit a streak of overconfidence in her acting in this movie and one hopes it was more of an aberration and or a demand of the script not fully utilized. No complaints with tongue-in-cheek master Farhan. Clearly the actor is already sitting in the top bracket of great actors without making a noise.

So do accidental babies create strife in marriage or do they help renew and strengthen the sinews of bond in the couple.
Do watch and laugh. However keep snacks handy for the second half to keep you occupied.

One of those rare movies you recommend despite wanting to give it only 2 ½ stars

**1/2

You are now on the highway. Please Applaud !

I have a  soft corner for Imtiaz Ali. Dating back to an interaction two decades back. I almost stood up when I first saw Jab We Met. The surprises at every corner of the road travelled by Shahid and Kareena were absolute delights. He evoked a classy sense of humor in Love Aaj Kal and then I watched with disconcert not sure if I had liked RockStar. Having been drunk on the heavenly music of the movie by Maestro A R Rahman and after practically selling Pataka Guddi to everyone who wanted to hear, the wait for the movie was finally worth it.

The verdict straight away. I wanted to stand up again. Just microscopically short of being a marvelous and a great movie. The opening kidnapping scene takes you back to Roja, when another master Mani had led you to the hills and captured them with the camera caressing nature careful not to pollute it with attention too much. I bit my lips praying that the wonderful songs by ARR were not tucked into the screenplay to pop up jarringly to justify themselves.


The film is not about a story. It is about treatment. It is about loving your country well enough to make it appear more alluring than a dozen other over rated countries. It is the ability to see beauty as much in a  whole row of dilapidated trucks lost in time as in a snow laden country racing by, or taking the road less traveled alongside a river with virgin gurgling waters.


The protagonist Alia lands up, in a sequence of events, on a road journey with her apparently malicious perpetrator. Being on the run is not used as an excuse to showcase scenery but knowingly used as a tool to allow the individuals who are hurting from deep within to  unravel themselves. If you do not allow yourself to be sucked into their lives you may find the plot-line dreary because you cannot connect with the alternating misery and happiness of the main leads.


The girl is from a wealthy and powerful family and appears gung-ho about life. Till the road journey scratches her surface provoking her to abandon efforts to get back to her cozy life and instead tease out the wound which appeared to have healed externally but is hurting deep within. The experience mirrors in the male lead Randeep's evolution in the journey. Brilliantly interweaving personal stories within the main matrix of a kidnapping used as a tool to lay out the emotional wares, Imtiaz is simply outstanding out doing himself in the process and marching into uncharted territory without sacrificing the entertainment index.


Talking too much particulars and specifics of the movie will actually destroy the experience of watching it and the hard work put in creating the various moments an accumulation of which actually completes the experience, will be lost. Softly nudging the story along is AR Rahman with his soulful numbers never ever appearing out of place and taking care never to intrude into the narrative and when it does with Pataka Guddi,  Alia simply traces out the music with her fingers in the air. She even sings a lullaby with not a note lost.

There are many winners in this movie. Randeep Hooda, a wonderful actor who has been floundering for some time now trying to make a niche for himself has found his cut with this role. He performs it with the right amount of restraint never once going overboard or hamming to overwhelm his own character.

Director Imtiaz Ali brings a lot of serenity with his very clear presence behind the camera. The editing is seamless aided by great photography except when camera shots on top of a truck giving the front and the back views are totally disconnected, the rear camera showing a well tarred road and the front one showing  a narrow rough road. Obviously very bad editing at that point. Perhaps they thought no one would notice it but it jars!

There are wonderful real people all along the screen play and they live up to their individual roles with natural vigour creating memorable characters. Imtiaz merits each character in the story with a unique ness that allows them to stand out on their own and make a mark in the few moments that they are on screen. Last seen only in Lagaan or Swades.

And as for the main female lead. Dare I say that this is the performance of the year? Perhaps in the last few years only Vidya Balan has come this close with her natural flair in Kahaani. Here we see a full throated performance from Alia who gives herself up to the director and his vision. This is one of the most spirited natural performances in recent times. Be ready to get choked in a final long gut wrenching climax carried on shoulders fully by the young girl. The signs of a star certainly.

Want to be surprised?  Want to flush the bad experiences of some bad movies recently? Enter this Zen like audio visual experience. And you will not regret. So why not a full five star rating. Because the film is allowed to intentionally flag at some places making the narrative appear to be taking a pause. But this is highly debatable in terms of the impact they could have on the final output.It is the total sum of all the effects that complete the experience for the audience. It is difficult to believe that the movie has not been shot chronologically. So perfect is the transition from scene to scene. This is a craft difficult to create and easy to comment on. For today I will just applaud! Well done Imtiaz!

Pataka on the Highway !

Ok so how am I accomplished to be reviewing music from the upcoming movie Highway or from any movie for that matter. Do I know my Sa  from my Ga from my Pa. But then the movies and its songs are for consumers like me so I guess I can dare to make a comment on what appealed to the ears and what did not, maybe without any grandiose references to ragas to exhibit literary knowledge of music.

I am an unabashed fan of A R Rahman, the man who introduced new sounds to the movies. After RDB if there is anyone close to that eternal creativity it is ARR. As a common man the unique specificity that I notice in ARR ‘s style is his attention to allowing all instruments take a life of their own without getting lost in orchestration and then the new voices springing forth like fresh flowers blooming in a nursery.

The first song that I heard of Highway was Maahi Ve and my spirits dropped. Not because it is a bad song but it looked like an old road travelled on. ARR goes into his “Maa tujhe salaam” pitch. Like ARR songs it grows on you but the sound is certainly not new. There is a rhythmic beat obviously reflecting a linear movement across a road with clear skies. Reminiscent of Yunhi Chala chal. My heart started to sink too prematurely and then I heard “ Phataka Guddi”

Phataka Guddi just blows you away with the first hearing. ARR picks up the wonderful Nooran Sisters outstanding exponents of Sufi music and obviously got noticed by the master at the MTV Coke studio and for their Allah HU rendition. 

The song starts with keyboard modern sounds  suddenly overwhelmed by the boisterous Sufi sounds of the young girls. There is so much energy and enthusiasm that makes you want to rewind and hear them repeatedly. The use of flute is absolutely heavenly. The lyrics are something. Phrases like “ Sajje Khabbe Dhabbe killi ho”  complementing the wonderful claps that rhythmically accompany . The ending Kukuku is a bit jarring though.

Having sensed the potential of this song ARR decides to use it in a male voice – his own though he tries sincerely to avoid his high pitch Ma tujhe salaam style.  

There is a strong Punjabi  stress to the lines though some mouthing of words like sharf khuda ka and jarf khuda ka do not seem to come out effortlessly. But Ali Ali is just beautiful. The song keeps shifting tracks into various velocities of arrangements as if ARR did not want you to remember the Nooran Sisters rendition. He succeeds. The song grows on you after 4 to 5 hearings.  The sudden rock at the end surprises but I guess it is driven by the script that demands it. One still thinks that there was scope for a full-fledged rendition by a couple of male singers of the original Phataka Guddi without altering the rhythm.

Then the album treads into a “been there heard that “ with Kahaan Hoon Main By Jonita Gandhi. It is sadly forgettable.

Wanna Mash up seems to have strayed wrongly into this album because it is actually likeable and seems like an odd song out. It has some great beats and some enthusiastic rock singing by Kash and Krissy from Singapore. Again one marvels at ARR’s ability to dig out talent and springboard them into  popular space.        

Sooha Sooha for some reason reminded me of Ahista Ahista from Swades. Alia Bhatt makes a nice attempt in  a child’s voice. Apparently it should be a lullaby.

I honestly struggled my way through the other songs like Tu Keja and Heera. But some songs take a life of their own when you watch it on the screen aided by skillful direction. And when it’s an Imtiaz and ARR combination it is something to look forward to.

Conclusion “Just for Phataka guddi versions I would give it a full 4 star” Great music ARR and Imtiaz!

Self Parody by the Drama Queen - Suchitra

This book true to its name evokes bizarre emotions! The build up to the book release, the high profile author, buzz in the media and the possible scope for sensational revelations is enough to arouse curiosity even in lazy readers like me. Suchitra Krishnamurthy is a film actor who had a sensational release with Shahrukh Khan many years back in Khabhi Haa Khabhi Naa. People sat up and took notice of a pretty petite youngster who breezed through her role with confidence coming in from her successful brush with TV in Chunaoti.  

Suchitra has also dabbled successfully in various forms of creative art like painting, singing and of course writing. It is evident that people tend to now recognize her more for once being married to director Shekhar Kapoor who made the brilliant Bandit Queen and Mr.India and then went international. It is not for us to conjecture on what went wrong between them, but her latest book Drama Queen does on many occasions touch upon a residual bitterness evoked in a comical fashion with references to her inadequate alimony.

Humour. That then is the intended mood of the whole book as Suchitra goes on a wild trip down recent memory lane with herself, relating in fascinating detail her various trysts in life, her ‘Bindaas’ attitude drawing shocked reactions from her mother who incidentally becomes almost the main protagonist when she starts bouncing off all her travails using her like a mirror to review her own behavior. 

She does deride herself quite a bit and she does sound pretty serious when she writes about a proposal to Ram Gopal Verma and his reaction to it. I thought it was more an effort to get it ( the incident) out of her system and end the sense of humiliation which she must have felt after what she must have later realized it as a not so desirable act. Writing and mocking herself, relating the various anecdotes is probably a sort of cathartic process for her.

The book begins very promisingly. It does hit you like having strayed into a long  catty Facebook conversation of friends. You do break into grins frequently at descriptions of some situations where she wants to get rid of some ‘nose in the air’ society’s clownish friends or marvel at her detailed description of the tryst in the director’s office, her frank confessions of her actual relationships with her friends and family though you start squirming when she enters into pet fornication territory which I thought was out of place.

The books keeps you on a attention leash till half way as you already have a clear picture image etched out of the protagonist and her parents but one starts drifting when the narration tends to get repetitive with nothing new happening. 

The book tends to lose you when you start asking yourself “ Yeah got this , what next “ and then there is no answer.

The book will appeal to all gossip hungry readers whose avarice extends to seeking bliss in voyeurism through words that describes the author’s otherwise private space.

It is brave writing exhibiting the talent of a woman uninhibited by her circumstances and may appeal to readers having  a curiosity about the afterlife of a wonderful petite actress who disappeared from the scene and has reappeared on the creative canvas once again to make a mark.